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All reviews - Movies (62) - TV Shows (7) - DVDs (75) - Books (62) - Music (275) - Games (17)

Starcrash (Roger Corman Cult Classics) review

Posted : 5 years, 6 months ago on 29 December 2011 11:16 (A review of Starcrash (Roger Corman Cult Classics))

This movie was odd but I bought it because I love Roger Corman's products and this 2010 reissue is great. If I was a 10 year old boy I would have loved this movie a ton but now it's just one of those it's so bad it's good type films for me. I can get past the low budget effects, which are good at times, and the fact that it's a poor mans Star Wars, but what makes this movie bomb for me is the acting and overall pace. No one in the movie can act, and what's odd is some of the people in this movie can act in the other ones I've seen so why not this one? A perfect example is Joe Spinell. He was brilliant in Maniac but he sucks big time in this movie. The dialogue might be to blame and it is shitty overall... here was my favorite line:

"When the sun sets I will rule the Universe!"
Count Zarth Arn says that while he is in a Space Station in the middle of no where. What sun set!? LOL
Also, another stupid thing is how little the writers know about astronomy. Space ships apparently float in space instead of fly and I don't think I saw an engine blaze with fire during this whole movie. A Planet covered in ice drops "thousands of degrees once the sun sets." too. Thousands??? WTF? Arg, I could rip this movie apart for every frame but I still love it for some reason and I know that if I had a crappy budget to work with I couldn't make anything as half as good as this! Oh, and I should add that the soundtrack is actually good and I'd get it the first change I saw it!


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Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus review

Posted : 5 years, 6 months ago on 29 December 2011 11:11 (A review of Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus)

Well I'm not sure what everyone's bitching about because I've seen a lot worse than this. You can't expect a top notch film with a title like this either. What I noticed that was the big thing with this movie was that the whole atmosphere looked like a CSI episode, what with how it was directed and edited. Personally I'd rather watch this movie than CSI too. There's some good music and sets but the CGI is so inconsistent. Sometimes it looks ok and other times it looks like complete shit! As for the acting it's pretty average, although there was one Navy guy that kept yelling all the time and he sounded so fucking fake. So over all this was an ok movie and what I expected but here's two major things that bugged me. 1) This movie is rated R and I can't figure out why. There's no tits or ass, no human blood, and only a few swears. Doesn't make sense. 2) The Military in this movie has to have the worst fucking aim out of any giant monster movie!


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Hello Mary Lou: Prom Night II review

Posted : 5 years, 6 months ago on 29 December 2011 11:09 (A review of Hello Mary Lou: Prom Night II)

Out of all the original Prom Night movies this one happens to be my favourite. It helps that I had a crush on Vicki Carpenter as well and seeing her full frontal nudity helped out a lot I think too. I like all the death scenes as well and it's not a bad edit of a movie overall. I'm also a big fan of Michael Ironside so I was surprised and delighted to see him in this when I first saw it. I've watched this movie over a dozen times and I feel like watching it right now. The movie leaves it open for a Part III in a neat way, but I highly recommend to never never never watch Part III...it is bloody horrid, and this is coming from a hugh fan of B-movies.

Stats
First Death: 27:30
Last Death: 1:25:16
Total Deaths: 7
Total Deaths by Possessed Vicki: 4
Swears: 13
Tits: 2
Scenes with Tits: 4
Full Frontal Nude Scenes: 2
Scenes with Two Naked Chicks in a Shower: 1
Scenes with Blood: 8
Bad Jokes: 9
References to The Exorcist: 4


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The Haunted Palace (1963) review

Posted : 5 years, 6 months ago on 29 December 2011 11:08 (A review of The Haunted Palace (1963))

This is one of my favourite Vincent Price films and I think a lot of it has to do with that fact that it's a combination of two stories by Edgar Allan Poe and H.P. Lovecraft. Joseph Curwen is a Worlock whom is experimenting with raising the dead at his palace and trying to create a super human race by taking peoples souls, mainly woman. The town of Arkham doesn't like this and soon burns Joseph Curwen alive. Joseph places a curse on the town and 110 years later his great-great grandson, Charles Dexter Ward, returns to the town to collect the deed on the very same palace. The towns people believe Joseph Curwen has come back and soon Charles is changing after the very first night in his new home. Joseph Curwen is trying to get into his body to come back from the dead and continue his experiments and take his revenge on the towns people. But it doesn't go as planned...

There's so much to like about this movie. The music is great, the acting is awesome, Debra Paget is hot, and the set of the palace is beautiful! Personally I think this is Vincent's best performance. The movie does run a bit slow near the end but I love it none the less. Some of Vincent's best lines are in this movie. There's a sceen where he is entering his wife's room and she asks what he is doing and he says; "Merely exercising my husbandly prerogative." Haha, brilliant! This was my 2nd Vincent Price film I saw and it got me hooked from then on.


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Cemetery Man review

Posted : 5 years, 6 months ago on 29 December 2011 11:03 (A review of Cemetery Man)

TRT: 99 Minutes
First Zombie Death: 1:20
Last Zombie Death: 1:10:31
First Human Death: 27:59
Last Human Death: 1:31:12
Zombies Killed: 28
Humans Killed by Francesco: 15
Zombies Killed by Francesco: 19
Zombies Shot in the Head: 16
Decapitations: 2
Girls Puked On: 1
Cigarettes Smoked by Francesco: 9
Swears: 10
Tits: 1 (Meaning how many different woman bare their boobs)
Scene's with Tits: 3
WTF Moments: Way to many to count!


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Deathsport review

Posted : 5 years, 6 months ago on 29 December 2011 11:00 (A review of Deathsport)

Wow is this bad, but with a budget of only $150,000 for 1978 I guess no one should expect much from it. My main problem with the film is the sound effects. Most of them are annoying, they only have about 10 different sound effects during the whole film, and they use a Tie Fighter sound effect as well. I can't really review this movie because I didn't like it much so here's just a point form about what I liked and what I didn't like about it.

Didn't Like
*Music sucks and the synth is out of sync at times.
*Cliche sound effects.
*Doors open with a woosh type sound but they sound like someone was just blowing into a mic.
*Acting is ok but the script is shit.
*For the first half hour of the film people are getting zapped half the time!
*Editing is crap!

Liked
*Hot nude girl getting zapped by hanging dildos.
*Another hot nude girl dancing around the same hanging dildos.
*Good pace. Not many slow parts.


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Stats

Posted : 5 years, 6 months ago on 29 December 2011 10:57 (A review of Critters)

TRT: 1:25:47
First Death: 0:02:28
Last Death: 0:40:27
Total Deaths: 4
Critter Kills: 4
Scene's with Blood: 6
Explosions: 14
Swears: 9
Tits: 0
Number of Times One is Subjected to that Shit Song "Power of the Night": 3


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Stats

Posted : 5 years, 6 months ago on 29 December 2011 10:54 (A review of Mega Python vs. Gatoroid)

TRT: 1:30:35
First Kill: 17:13
Last Kill: 1:26:00
Mega Python Kills: 12*
Gatoroid Kills: 6*
Total Kills: 18*
Scenes with Blood: 14
Explosions: 7
Swears: 10
Tits: 0
Very Odd Music Video?: 00:36:30
Debbie Gibson/ Tiffany Cat Fight!!!: 00:57:53
*Not including City scene at 1:04:00.


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