Reviews by markjazz

This could have been a lot better but it was a made for TV movie so one should not expect a whole lot. The thing I don't like the most about this film was the casting of Jonathan Cecil as Hastings. He seemed like a little boy fresh out of school and to much of a moron as well. The plot is alright but this is one of the easier Poirot films to guess as to whodoneit, imo.

I’ll start off by stating that Frankenstein is called Count instead of his usual title of Baron and there’s no reason or explanation as to why, but like the rest of this movie it seems to be a bunch of odds and ends wrapped up to make 90 minutes of crap. The movie opens up with some cave-man getting beat to death by a mob and the musical score is so intense that you think you skipped to the middle part of the film and didn’t realize it. Soon after we see the servant (Genz), Igor, and this annoying dwarf unearth a grave. The funny thing to note about this scene is we see that 3 people are doing a grave robbery and when we finally get to see what it is they’re stealing this big musical score comes on to reveal that it’s….are you ready…a coffin! Wow, what a shock! Anyway, they steal the body to implant the brain into the very same brute we saw get beating to death at the start.

I mentioned the annoying dwarf but he’s much more than that. He’s an idiot and he’s evil (more on that later). The midget soon gets kicked out of the castle for living his footprints at the scene of the grave robbery and the Count is pissed off. After getting kicked out of the Castle he befriends a Neanderthal man (which is a legendary myth in this area for some odd reason). This is where the movie goes from boring to 'stick-my-head-in-hot-oil'. We get to watch this dwarf teach this caveman how to eat cooked food….yawn. Then, just when my eyes where soon shutting, the Counts daughter and her guest, Krista, decide to take a naked dip in the cave’s pool (but it’s all right, it’s daytime so the caveman must be sleeping). Again, the dwarf appears and is spying on their beautiful naked bodies. After viewing this naked scene there is soon another as the dwarf and his caveman friend kidnap a young girl and the dwarf teaches the caveman the 'pleasures of life' and proceeds to rape the poor girl. This midget is evil! The ironic thing is after the poor girl is rapped and killed, and the town and area know about it, Krista decides to go to the cave by herself for another naked dip in the pool and guess what? She gets kidnapped and held by the caveman and this frigg’n dwarf….bitch almost deserves it for being so dumb.

Soon the town mob is aware of all these killings and kidnappings and decides to take their pitchforks and torches to the Count’s castle, of course. But during this we find out the dwarf has freed the Count’s monster from earlier, as revenge for having him kicked out. The monster befriends the dwarf and is taking to the cave to meet poor Krista. The caveman and Frankenstein’s monster duke it out for the girl and the Monster wins! The best part about this scene is the dwarf is so saddened by the loss of his caveman friend yet he couldn’t care less about rapping and killing woman. This dwarf is fucked! Yeah, but who the fuck cares anyway dwarf. The mob soon catches up and kills the Monster bugger anyway by burning him alive. But we are left with the moral of the story, spoken by the detective; 'There’s a little monster in all of us!'. Now the plot is complete, what plot!?

The main premise of this movie is tits! There’s no reason to show any of them and we get to view a lot, even if the story doesn’t need them. In fact, there is no story either. Frankenstein is barely shown actually doing any operating at all and the main plot seems to be about this dwarf’s poor life. Gag, no one gives a shit. In summary, this movie is to be viewed only once and you guessed why, tits!

OK, I'm like the least religious person as far as "God" is considered but I never get tired of this movie. There's so many great moments and tons of good actors/actresses and Anne Baxter is bloody hot. Not to mention Vincent Price and Yul Brynner too. Yeah I said that! Anyway, this movie is a classic and even though it's bloody long I hardly get up to even pee whilst watching it.

I've watched some crap in my day but this movie is right up there with the worst of seen. A totally mental plot with some of the lamest "fights" you'll see on screen. Even when someone gets shot there's no smoke or blood or anything indicating that a bullet was even fired. Oh, and this is one of those b-movies that has those day to night transitions that make you laugh. Example; two kids go out in the dark to look for a boat but when they are looking for it it's day light out. Typical I guess for a low budget film. The sets are also boring as hell. The Malt Cafe looks like it was set up in 10 minutes! I got this one for free, which is a good thing because I don't think I'll watch it again.

Out of all the serial/spree killer movies that have come out lately this one is the worst of them all. Not only is the acting dreadful but there's tons of mistakes and it's so boring. There's one shot where you can see the safety plugs in the guns because the director I guess forgot to take them out. Not to mention the 20 mph chase scene, that one just made me laugh.

A boring bio pic movie that has Justin Timberlake in it. No way in hell I'd spend $1 seeing this, let alone movie ticket price. I already know what it's about. spoiler: click to read. I mean, just reading the tag line I know what's about; "You don't get to 500 million friends without making a few enemies." Arg. Whatever.

When I heard they were making this I honestly thought it was a joke. However, it doesn't surprise me that they would make a movie based off this because they know people will pay to see it because it's about, like Facebook and stuff and there's some lame ass legal drama as well. I guess one could say it's a movie about how Mark Zuckerberg became the youngest billionaire in history but I really couldn't care less about how much money people make. In saying that I will now be one of those that will rate this movie an easy 0.5/5 without ever seeing it. I already explained why. To bad Fincher and Reznor put their name on this because I like those two guys a lot.

I love this movie for a lot of reasons. Music wise it has tracks by Front 242, Enigma and Moodswings so how awesome is that!? Plus the original score isn't so bad either. As far as the movie goes I think it's great as well. Hedra 'Hedy' Carlson, played by Jennifer Jason Leigh, is an awesome character and I start feeling sorry for her in a way towards the end of the movie. The part where Hedra enters the apartment while the Front 242 song is playing is my favourite. Perfect crazy girl and it's hot! I had a hugh crush on her after watching this movie so maybe I'm crazy too...heeee. But in short, this movie is pretty good, a bit slow, but I still like it.

Cat fights galore too!!!!

This is one of the better recent b-movies I own. Although the CGI is shit I was surprised at how much I enjoyed it. Eric Roberts as Mr. Sands is actually great in this! There's a couple other good actors but then there's some really really bad ones. I can look past though, as well as the CGI, because the movie has a great pace. Not a boring part at all. I love the 2 and 3 panel shots during phone conversations too. It was edited very well. Had the CGI been top notch I'm sure this movie would have got an easy 4/5 from me. Anyway, here's some stats:

Total Sharktopus Kills: 29 (20 men, 9 women)
First Kill: 9:00
Last Kill: 1:23:27
Victims Eaten: 16
Victims Stabbed with Tentacle: 7
Swears: 4
Scene's with Blood: 26
Blood Splats on Camera Lens: 4
Explosions: 3
Tits: 0
Close Ups of Girls in Bikinis: 22
Girls in Bikinis: Too Many To Count
Mexican's Named Bob: 1
Best Scene in the Movie: Roger Corman watches a woman get killed by the Sharktopus. He doesn't yell for her to get out of the way either. After she's killed he heads over to where she was and steals a gold coin she dropped...lol. Love it!

This was a fun film to watch as it showed a lot of old footage that I use to just love when I was a kid but there's two sides to every story and they never even have "The Warrior" try to defend himself at all in this so it's very one sided, which makes this video pretty much crap. I couldn't care less about what he did off camera but I will always remember him as my favourite wrestler of all time! Man this guy didn't make sense sometimes but I fucking loved it!

Who knew that such a simple story about moving a mouse house would turn into something so wonderful with a great plot and awesome characters. I remember being scared watching this movie as a kid but now it's just a great movie about a mothers determination to save her family.